in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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