I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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