Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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