I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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