Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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