this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
