The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
