he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She told me I should be a condom model.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
