You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
