i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
