Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
