I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He better not be in your backpack
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
