oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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