I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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