his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
