i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
