I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
