Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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