this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
