the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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