She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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