you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have aggressive nipples.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
