im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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