My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize