I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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