her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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