i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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