I am in a vortex of obligation.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
