ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
