I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think my vagina is haunted
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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