I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
