I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
