this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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