Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
