ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
two words: eviction party
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
