does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
