why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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