Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
