the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize