My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
