And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
