So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
