I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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