I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
