i can't believe i had my finger in that
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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