he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
