cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
