don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
