He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
