turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
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Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
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So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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