the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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