Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
