i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
