I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
