Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
