Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Enjoy the penises
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
