Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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