I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All the doctor said was why
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
