I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
