We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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