Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
