Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
