Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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