I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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