She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i think i just lost a toe
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
