I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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