Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
