I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
